I have the privilege of going from one Baptist hospital to another on a daily basis to meet many new dads of all ages.  Recently I had a chance to meet a very mature young man, who gave me something to think about when he said “we can’t choose our father but we can choose how to treat our children”.  Consider that as you look forward to your new life with your baby.  Ask yourself, what kind of daddy will I be?  Remember your baby did not choose you to be his/her dad.

Recently I received an e-mail from a friend of mine who works with the National Fatherhood Initiative, telling me about A National Survey of Mother's Attitudes on Fathering. 

• When asked what they would prefer, a hospital that provided support to the father during her pregnancy or one that didn't, the results were clear.  Nine out of ten moms said they'd choose the hospital that provided support for dad.

• On the flip side of the coin, 1 out of 3 moms didn't think their health care provider worked to involve the father of her child during her pregnancy.

The moms had plenty of other interesting insights on dads and fatherhood. This is one more reason we are working so diligently making the Baptist Health System the Father Friendly Place.

You never know how things can affect other events in our lives and in the lives of others. 

Recently I have received many comments that have lifted my spirits and inspired me to do better than I have in the previous years. I marvel when I see young men (and don’t mean just in years) asking questions that would have made their own fathers and grandfathers blush or feel very uncomfortable. Many of you new dads have told me how you are so much closer to your baby and to the new mom. New moms often brag to me about their husbands and how “he has stepped up” and “is doing things” that she did not know he could do.

I get a lot of the credit; but, it is the new generation of new dads that are really making things change.  Who knew dads could or would make such a difference in their own family and in the community where they live. You never know what is going to happen after the SONS to DADS class has been dismissed and all those eager guys get home.

Kudos to all of you new dads past, present and yet to be, keep up the good work.

I recently received an email from the Administrative Assistant in the Adult Ministries Department at Cornerstone Church. I was deeply moved by it and thought I'd share it with you. Thank you CJ for your kind words and encouragement.

Bill,

God is using you mightily to restore the family unit that the "world" and the "enemy" are trying to destroy.  I was 10 & 12 years old when my half sisters were born and I don't remember ever seeing their father change a diaper, feed them, dress them or care for them in any way. I truly believe that was because he didn't want to appear inept and that he was taught by generations before him that caring for the children was "woman's work". 

You give these new fathers a confidence and an "I can do this" attitude…and, in so doing, bless the momma and baby too. I believe that a father who is directly involved in the care of his children from birth is less likely to abandon them later. You install a sense of personal value to their family -- they gain a sense that they have a positive purpose and a role in their child's life, not just an observer or disciplinarian. I am running across the new dads that have taken your class and they are truly enjoying being new fathers. Keep up the good work. 

CJ Gonzales

Over the past two months I have been going over my class material looking for something new that would get the new dad’s attention.  In the process I found myself wondering what would be going through a brand new mom’s mind.  I would like to share with you what I found.

Consider this, if the roles could be reversed...You've just given everything you've had to bring this new life into the world, the doctor is finishing up, all the excitement is across the room with all the family filled with excitement. Suddenly, without any sense of expectation, the one you love sits close beside you, gently holds your hand for just a brief moment and simply slips a small hand written card into your grasp. I wonder how we would feel to have those fleeting thoughts on paper that would be remembered for a life time! 

So, as you are packing bags to go to the hospital for the delivery of your baby, take the time to include a few of those general purpose “Thank You” or “I Love You” cards.  Who knows, you may find more than one reason to leave your loved one a special note on the occasion.

We are living in a time of great change. I have had many conversations recently about our changing times and the effect it is having on the next generation. Many are doing things that their parents never thought of. This is evident in the new fathers that attend the Baptist Health System’s just for men’s training program SONS to DADS.

A couple of comments that I have received over the past few months will help bring this point home.  One young man said, "I really have not learned anything about being a father from my dad.  He has always been the provider of the family, not a caregiver."  Another stated, "my dad was not allowed to be in the delivery room when I was born, so what guidance can he give me that would prepare me for the birth of my baby?"

Believe me when I say that I can understand their feelings and that is why I depend on the comments made by expecting dads that attend the SONS to DADS classes to help me in preparation for the next class.  Their comments provide me with the feedback that is needed to meet the needs of our new dads, to break the old mold of their father and make ready for a new pattern for their sons and daughters to follow to make a stronger family unit. 

One soon-to-be-dad made this comment on the evaluation at the end of the class.  The SONS to DADS program is “doing a great thing helping people with probably the biggest responsibilities of their lives.”  Another man said, “I have learned that it is alright to be a tender and loving father.” 

Children are a gift from the Lord; babies are a reward. - Psalm 127:3 By training our new dads we are creating a new pattern for the new families of tomorrow by protecting our gifts today. 

Some time ago, long before my lifetime, a myth began to evolve.  This mistaken belief claims that the woman makes a better parent.  She is the one who gives birth to the child; therefore, bears the liability of caring and providing for the newborn.  The woman is more nurturing than the man.  Worse yet, we, as men, have bought the idea.  Even though women have had more experience and are often better care-giving role models than men, we are beginning to realize that dads can contribute to their infant’s quality of life and development, and, when given the instruction and the opportunity, are proving that they can do very well.  We know that infants will flourish from exposure to, mother and dads, styles of care giving.  Appreciate your responsibilities and enjoys the role of fatherhood. Being a dad is a gift.

 Happy Father’s Day

In one class the discussion came around to “NESTING”, when one expecting dad asked, “Is that where mom cleans the house three times and is now working on the fourth round?”

Yes, sir!  That is nesting. It is something many women have to do. She is getting her nest ready for the baby or should I say she will have you getting the nest ready. For some moms-to-be, it may not make much difference. On the other hand, for others it can cause significant changes.       

A dad told a group of us, that on one occasion he and his wife had been shopping. En route home, she looked around, took a deep whiff of the car, and exclaimed to her husband, “I’m not bringing my baby home in this old car.” 

“I got me a new F-150 out of that deal. I like this nesting thing,” he said.

This example may be a little extreme. However, the point is to give her all the support she needs. She may ask you to move the sofa three times. Be ready to move it again. Burn the midnight oil if need be; the baby will be here soon. The term “normal” will take on a completely new meaning (whatever normal is now, it will not be the same after the baby arrives).

New mom, new dad, new baby can only mean one thing, there is a new family.

I am always amazed to see so many young men come to the SONS to DADS classes. I often ask myself, why? Why do all of these expecting dads come together month after month? After all, there are lots of books on the shelves that can tell them the same thing. One soon-to-be dad put it this way, “You can only learn so much from reading baby books. I like the hands-on.” 

Books can give you words and they can give you knowledge, but they can’t give you experience.  And being with a group of guys, all in the same situation, makes the experience a lot more enjoyable. It’s a guy thing.

Thanks guys for allowing me to be a part of your lives.  

I recently received this email from a new father...

Hello Bill,

Here is the picture of Molly's first bath. Feel free to include any of these in your sideshows. I really appreciate what you are doing for fathers-to-be. The information you passed on to me has made me more confident as a new father and helped me be a better support structure for my wife; I believe the things you teach are very important and I wish you the best in your quest to make Kangaroo Care a everyday facet of Labor & Delivery. My wife really appreciates your class as well, yours and Mary Beth's were the only classes we were able to attend before Molly came into the world. Kudos Sir and keep up the good work.
 
- The Petross Family